Captain Karnal Sher Khan Shaheed

This video has already been shared much among Facebookers, last time I shared it was a couple of months ago. Most recently someone on my wall shared it was yesterday!

This time I have shared it with a different perspective and motive but!

I still remember one of my trips to Mallam Jabba with family almost two decades ago in 1990. And I still remember another of my visits of the areas two years ago, last year and most recently, a couple of months ago! I feel like being there with them, I know them, been with them and I love their truthfulness, bravery, honor keeping and giving, hospitality, purity and what not! And YESSSS I disagree with and condemn the way Pathans are made jokes of. They are NOT Pakistani Sardars at all, its high time we should stop taking them as one!!! We much underestimate them and our doing so disgusts the glorious role of bravery and honor they have always offered to the nation and to the motherland!

Enough the bashing!!!

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Video: The History Motherland & its Pathan Son

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I’d like all you guys to share this video in just anyway (click here to share this video on facebook video) with your Pashtun/Pakhtun/Pathan friends with this note carried forward, let them know that we’re NOT going to give up on them, EVER! [ You can also share this post by clicking 'Share This Article' button on top and bottom of this post ]

Let’s stand strong and tough, united as ONE nation; Pakistani! forgetting if we’re punjabi, sindhi, balochi, kashmiri or pathan!!!

Lets ignite a flame of reunion among our deprived brethren while listening to their complaints and not trying to tell them ‘it’s your fault’. It is time to hold hands, lets stop raising fingers!

Remember, if you don’t take a Sindhi / Balochi / Punjabi / Kashmiri / Pathan as your brother, YOU are NOT a SON of Pakistan, so not at all!!!

Come back, join hands and lets save brotherhood, and save Pakistan…

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1. August 14th at Twitter & Pakistan’s Quick Fact Book Yesterday and the day before, Pakistan tweeple (twitterers at twitter) had been pushing #Pakistan to the top. Purpose was sort to push #Pakistan to the...
2. Video: Welcome to Pakistan – The One You Don’t See on the Evening News Once upon a time, there was a country in chaos. An undemocratic feudal system prevailed, corruption reigned supreme and the country was in an economic...
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4. A Case of A Hot Chick Busting Your Online Presence: BEWARE OF KFC PAKISTAN! Last evening we planned to get fried chicken delivered for dinner. I opened kfcpakistan.com (KFC Pakistan's Official Website run in Pakistan by Cupola Pakistan Ltd.)...
5. Awesome: Jill & Kevin’s Wedding Dance Jill and Kevin met when Kevin’s childhood friend, Jeff, married Jill’s college friend, Ann, in 2005. They were both in the wedding party. Jill could...

...

Last evening we planned to get fried chicken delivered for dinner. I opened kfcpakistan.com (KFC Pakistan’s Official Website run in Pakistan by Cupola Pakistan Ltd.) so to see their online brochure for meal options. Instead of main page being displayed, there popped up a warning for the website ‘kfcpakistan.com‘ being malicious and that it could harm my computer. I had already been running Symantec Antivirus (always updated) but just to be on safe-hand, I also executed Trojan Guarder. I was content that it would protect me from any bug, worm, virus and Trojan whatsoever, so I clicked ‘ignore this warning‘ (dumbass me!).

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[ click the picture to zoom it... ]

To learn why it is blocked; see the Google URL at bottom of this post…

The main page of kfcpakistan.com did open but simultaneously Symantec Antivirus popped up an alert window that told me of an ‘install.exe‘ to be caught and quarantined and deleted successfully from the location it was being executed. Still I was satisfied that since the virus has been notices and handled by Symantec Antivirus, there’s no need to be worried at all, anymore.

The funny thing is, mood was already changed and we had ordered Pizzas instead. Was delicious, ate ‘em all, gone baby gone! Afterwards, I kept working on Haqeeqat.Org, computer didn’t went off through the night, even after I went to sleep.

Today, there was nothing prompted nor anything unusual took place at all, I kept working as had to publish three posts. Did that well, still nothing appeared worth noticing. Afterwards, got busy having tea with my wife n family and shut down the computer. Some minutes later a friend called and told that Haqeeqat.Org wasn’t working and that there was some weird error displaying on front page. No other direct of indirect link worked either. I got back on computer, checked it myself and received the following error(s):

Warning: Unexpected character in input: ”’ (ASCII=39) state=1 in /xxx/xxxxx/public_html/index.php on line 17

Parse error: syntax error, unexpected ‘.’ in /xxx/xxxxx/public_html/index.php on line 17

I then entered the URL to administration area but the next page showed me the same error. I assumed it was some wordpress plugin error so I tried disabling some by moving some folders via my FTP client. It didn’t help either! Then, to my shock, as I tried opening rest of my blogs and CMS driven websites on the same server, everything was down, showing almost same errors! Static content but was working all like it should.

Since I couldn’t find a supportive clue on wordpress.org, I submitted a support request ticket to my web-host (hostgator) which reverted to me very promptly, as always, with more shocking information and access logs. It read:

“It appears that malicious code has been uploaded to your account via FTP using a compromised username and password. At this time, I have removed the malicious code from the account.

From our experience with malware of this nature, the user account passwords are compromised though viruses/malware located on your local computer. This malware sniffs out passwords used and stored by FTP programs located on the computer. In order to protect against future attack, you will need to run full virus and malware scans on your computers to ensure that they are clean. I recommend using multiple scanners as we have found that some scanners do not detect the malware. MalwareBytes ( http://www.malwarebytes.org ) and ComboFix ( http://www.bleepingcomputer.com/combofix/how-to-use-combofix ) have been reported to be able to clean this malware. It is highly suggested that you also do the following…”

(following were some guidelines for having the Operating System and other relevant applications updated and secured)

The following logs show that the file was recently uploaded with modified malicious code. These logs are merely a sample, it is not the entire log entry:

Aug 18 07:54:24 gatorxXx pure-ftpd: (?@ip-address) [INFO] myUserName is now logged in

Aug 18 07:54:26 gatorxXx pure-ftpd: (myUserName@ip-address) [NOTICE] /home/myUserName//public_html/index.htm downloaded (4265 bytes, 240.02KB/sec)

Aug 18 07:54:27 gatorxXx pure-ftpd: (myUserName@ip-address) [INFO] Logout.

Aug 18 07:54:30 gatorxXx pure-ftpd: (?@ip-address) [INFO] myUserName is now logged in

Aug 18 07:54:32 gatorxXx pure-ftpd: (myUserName@ip-address) [NOTICE] /home/myUserName//public_html/index.htm uploaded (4342 bytes, 190.38KB/sec)

Aug 18 07:54:33 gatorxXx pure-ftpd: (myUserName@ip-address) [INFO] Logout.

Aug 18 07:54:39 gatorxXx pure-ftpd: (?@ip-address) [INFO] myUserName is now logged in

Aug 18 07:54:45 gatorxXx pure-ftpd: (myUserName@ip-address) [NOTICE] /home/myUserName//public_html/one-of-my-domain/index.html downloaded (10841 bytes, 661.77KB/sec)

Aug 18 07:54:46 gatorxXx pure-ftpd: (myUserName@ip-address) [INFO] Logout.

Aug 18 07:54:54 gatorxXx pure-ftpd: (?@ip-address) [INFO] myUserName is now logged in

Aug 18 07:55:01 gatorxXx pure-ftpd: (myUserName@ip-address) [NOTICE] /home/myUserName//public_html/one-of-my-domain/index.html uploaded (10713 bytes, 196.58KB/sec)

…” etc etc until 4 of my domains…

Hmmm… after having read the first two paragraphs, Mr. Colonel’s picture flashed at the back of my mind and I said to myself; WTF! …fcuk!!!

I logged onto my web-server’s control panel immediately, of course from my cell and changed the master account’s password(s), reset child accounts too. I quickly locked all executable files and software(s) on my computer using Folder Shield- a fool-proof folder protection (privacy) utility- so if the virus/worm/bug was contagious, my data would remain safe! I then removed all my websites’ shortcuts from my FTP client’s site manager, disabled the automated tasks, closed it and downloaded MalwareByte’s Anti-Malware 1.4, installed and the scan result then brought me the following in first go:

Registry Values Infected:

HKEY_LOCAL_MACHINE\SOFTWARE\Microsoft\Windows\CurrentVersion\Services\del (Malware.Trace) -> Quarantined and deleted successfully.

HKEY_CURRENT_USER\SOFTWARE\Microsoft\Internet Explorer\Desktop\id (Malware.Trace) -> Quarantined and deleted successfully.

HKEY_CURRENT_USER\SOFTWARE\Microsoft\Internet Explorer\Desktop\host (Malware.Trace) -> Quarantined and deleted successfully.

Registry Data Items Infected:

HKEY_LOCAL_MACHINE\SOFTWARE\Microsoft\Security Center\FirewallDisableNotify (Disabled.SecurityCenter) -> Bad: (1) Good: (0) -> Quarantined and deleted successfully.

Files Infected:

C:\WINDOWS\Temp\wpv631250315064.exe (Trojan.Agent) -> Quarantined and deleted successfully.

C:\Documents and Settings\user-name\Application Data\wiaserva.log (Malware.Trace) -> Quarantined and deleted successfully.

What- in the Name of KFC- Does This Malware do to Your Online Presence?

Please note that it also makes full fledge use of your email client all by itself; by sending idk which emails to idk where (of course, to your contacts!)!

Now, Mr. Richard F.- Network Security Administrator at HostGator- had only repaired the static (.htm/.html) files as the bug up there infected each and every filename starting with index*, main* and default* be it a simple .htm/.html or a .php (database connected) file. The bug kept ruining the files all around my space… I’m not a PHP/MySQL programmer, I don’t even know the coding at all, the Object Oriented Programming F‘ed me three times already… until I changed the majors in my graduation; after admitting myself as a complete loser at O.O.P! And now the Kentucky F Chicken Fs me!!!

So, not fair moreover; that I had to download via FTP client each and every file mentioned in initial errors (yeah baby they kept increasing as I kept fixing, DB tables… first functions called is reported first, then appears the second untill 3249083294832489320849328409328th :@). Anyway, in each of these 4 Wordpress blogs directories, the following files were affected. Kindly note that the bug/worm/virus/asshole/sonofabitch/mofo/trojan overwrites a chunk of following files’ footer/bottom code with an iframe calling code of its own!

*( i’m mentioning it because if anybuddy ever searches for a query like such or get bitten by KFC Pakistan, this post would help em a lot, finding not only reasons to logically cursing the KFcukingC’s website:p but also with figuring out a solution for your Wordpress/CMS troubleshooting…)

• your-www-or-public-html-folder/or-wordpress-main-directory/index.php

• your-www-or-public-html-folder/or-wordpress-main-directory/wp-admin/index.php

• your-www-or-public-html-folder/or-wordpress-main-directory/wp-admin/index-extras.php

• your-www-or-public-html-folder/or-wordpress-main-directory/wp-includes/default-filters.php

• your-www-or-public-html-folder/or-wordpress-main-directory/wp-includes/default-widgets.php

• your-www-or-public-html-folder/or-wordpress-main-directory/wp-content/themes/wp-default-themes’-index/default-files

• your-www-or-public-html-folder/or-wordpress-main-directory/wp-content/themes/wp-classic-themes’-index/default-files

• your-www-or-public-html-folder/or-wordpress-main-directory/wp-content/themes/your-custom-themes’-index/default-files

• your-www-or-public-html-folder/or-wordpress-main-directory/wp-content/plugins/your-plugins’-index/default-files

How to Undo These Hurts?

Option 1. Now, you’d have to get hold of either the same version of new/clean/fresh file(s) your installation had OR (if you don’t have a backup, like I didn’t for 3 blogs) you’d first have to download your version of Wordpress (or your CMS’s) installation source (from here and/or from your CMS’s website) and replace each of the above files with the recently downloaded (clean) one!

Option 2. Otherwise, just fix the replaced/overwritten code at the bottom of above mentioned files IF you remember that or have in possession these files as a backup! If you don’t, read the above option, again :@

Option 3. If you have neither of the above, you can, delete everything else (after making a local/hdd copy, for just-in-case scenario) in your blog directory (only for wordpress stand-alone installations) than .htaccess and config.php. Download your version of Wordpress installation, unzip it and upload everything to the same directory you just cleaned that useless sh!t from!

• First back up all your folders and files from the root. (directory of your wordpress installation)

• Delete wp-admin folder! (Yeah it’s alright, do that or leave my post alone, get the hell outta here!)

• Delete wp-includes folder! (yea’haan, do that)

• Delete all the .php files from the root, except config.php and .htaccess files.

• Upload (the clean/fresh version of) everything you deleted back to the root folder.

• Send me a thank-you-so-very-very-very-much note for making it work for you!

Please note: This solution is also for the ones who can’t get rid of the following sort of fatal error messages, mostly appear in Wordpress 2.8.x installations/updates:

” Fatal error: Class ‘WP_Widget’ not found in /xx/xxxx/wp-includes/default-widgets.php on line 15 “

Last but not least, I’d been using this awesome life-saver plugin on Haqeeqat.Org since I first installed the wordpress blogging system on it; WP-DBManager! It once saved  Haqeeqat.Org from a huge hack already! This time, I couldn’t be saved only because the administrative end was also affected. BUT, I’d still recommend you to always keep a backup with you, wherever you are, whatever you do and whether or not you do it yourself! I mean, you can also schedule a backup via email!

KFCPakistan.com: Why it is blocked:

• Google Tells The Facts

Why The Administration of KFC Pakistan (Cupola Pakistan Ltd.) isn’t Doing Anything After Several Complaints?

• They are the typical illiterate idiots who take us, our privacy and security for-granted! Bastards….

Why The Administration of KFC International isn’t Doing Anything After Several Complaints?

• As if the rest of the world cares about us!!!

Hmmm… What Should We Do Then?

• I don’t know about YOU, I’m gonna sue them (or in case if the lawyer costs much; at least consume loads n loads of their chilli sauce from the ketchup dispenser, for free :p)!!!

Moral of the Story:

1. If and when there’s a Stop Sign with a COP on it, do observe!

2. Hot Chicks often hurt!

3. If you’re gonna have a pizza, Colonel gives a shit!

Leave comments, speak aloud, be heard!!!(No registration required.)

Once upon a time, there was a country in chaos. An undemocratic feudal system prevailed, corruption reigned supreme and the country was in an economic crisis.

A group of people united by a rigid ideology brought down the government promising democratic and socialist reform!

Instead, mass beheadings followed in a period known as The Terror where all freedom of speech was suppressed and even a whiff of suspicion meant execution without trial! The educated elite fled. And western nations launched a unified attack against this rudderless nation.

A military man defended his countries borders and soon installed himself as the head of the government in a coup d’etat. Several changes of governments, two devastating wars, an ignoble role in a genocide, the acquisition of nuclear power and political unrests later, the country finally was acknowledged as a bastion of liberty, equality and fratenity!

It took France 178 years to get its act together!

We’ve only had 62!!!

(and NO, we’re NOT afghanistan)

…learn more, watch the video below

Welcome to Pakistan – The One You Don’t See on the Evening News:

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The 4-minute video clip shows a Pakistan that is largely hidden from the public eye in the west. Without a doubt, religious extremis, some decadent Madrassahs and violence exists in Pakistan (same like several countries in the west itself), but such symbols are not entirely representative of Pakistan – rich cultural heritage, architectural marvels, a passion for sport and great music productions, shades of which are shown in this video, also signify what Pakistan stands for!

This is an effort to show this side of the coin as well.

For an educated and realist view on Pakistan, watch the video below:

.

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It’s simply worth viewing:

click here to view the photo gallery

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This young lady, a decent chap, @hinstance (Hina Aman) played much better a role by not being just another face in the crowd! Her enthusiasm was worth noticing and I didn’t have to do much to notice and praise as her tweets caught me all into it. I was quite impressed the way she dug, she wrote and she shared all those one-liner facts about my beloved motherland with the world out there! To confess, I only learned quite some facts which I had never known ever before her tweets and that’s one of the reasons I’d like to share it with you too.

Below is the compilation of her #Pakistan tweets.

[ Thanks Hina for having it compiled and for letting me have a copy, too ]

Cheers…

[ read the full post here ]

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3. A Case of A Hot Chick Busting Your Online Presence: BEWARE OF KFC PAKISTAN! Last evening we planned to get fried chicken delivered for dinner. I opened kfcpakistan.com (KFC Pakistan's Official Website run in Pakistan by Cupola Pakistan Ltd.)...

As I found this video much interesting, I dug a little more for that and from youtube.com, I found a link to the couple’s website which impressed me further, here I am sharing it with you. I hope you’d enjoy as much too.

Kindly, do go through the note Jill & Kevin had on their website which I have copied below the video:

-

-

Some words from Jill & Kevin’s website:

Jill and Kevin met when Kevin’s childhood friend, Jeff, married Jill’s college friend, Ann, in 2005. They were both in the wedding party. Jill could not resist Kevin’s wit and charm. Kevin could not resist Jill’s intellect, nor her remarkable dance moves.

We have been through a lot in life, but have come through each experience stronger and more in love with each other. Our experience since we posted the video has been incredible. We would never have expected this response to our wedding entrance in a million years.

We hope to direct this positivity to a good cause. Due to the circumstances surrounding the song in our wedding video, we have chosen the Sheila Wellstone Institute.

Sheila Wellstone was an advocate, organizer, and national champion in the effort to end domestic violence in our communities.

We are so grateful for all the love, kind words, and joy that have been shared with us from around the world. It has moved us deeply and filled our hearts.

If you would like to contact us, email jkweddinginfo@gmail.com

Never stop dancing.

With so much love,

Jill and Kevin

http://www.jkweddingdance.com/

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In light of the common links between Judeo-Christian and Islamic traditions and teachings, it is interesting to look at what is said regarding the Day of Judgement and the signs of its approach. Judeo-Christian sources mainly consist of the Book of Daniel, Ezekiel, and the Book of Revelations, as well as some scattered sources within other books of the Old and New Testaments.

WATCH The VIDEO before you proceed further:

Islamic sources include the Qur’an and the multiple volumes of the sayings and traditions of Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him), called ahadith. There are many similarities between what these great traditions say regarding the signs of the Day of Judgement. Even a minimal exposure to Judeo-Christian signs of the End of Time is enough to see that many of the same prophesies exist in the Islamic tradition.

However, the differences are important to point out. Much of the Judeo-Christian teaching regarding these signs are based on frequent reinterpretations of vague Scripture. Whereas the signs enumerated by Islamic sources are quite clear and concrete, with little, if any, room for interpretation. In addition, the vastness of the material available within the Islamic tradition points to the finality of Allah’s Message. Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him), the Last Messenger sent to humanity, said that Allah has never sent a messenger who did not warn his people about al-Masih ad-Dajjal (the AntiChrist). And it only follows that Allah would give the Last Messenger the most information relating to this subject, as his followers will be the ones experiencing these signs.

What follows is a small sample of the signs which Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) enumerated for us. They have been divided into minor and major signs…

The Minor Signs:

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They are all inspiring paintings from various amazing artists and I recommend you check out the rest of their  work by clicking on the links!

1. Shower Scene

Artist: http://alyssamonks.com/

Source

2. Milk Girl

Artist: http://www.diegogravinese.com/

Source

3. Station Scene

Artist: http://www.bertmonroy.com/

This Photoshop image by Bert Monroy uses a total image count of over 15,000.

Source

4. Lunch In Tiburon

Artist: http://www.bertmonroy.com/

Source

5. Self Portrait

Artist: http://davidkassan.com/

Source

6. People Swimming

Artist: http://alyssamonks.com/

Source

7. Graffiti and Wood Peeling

Artist: http://davidkassan.com/

Source

8. Under Water Scene

Artist: http://alyssamonks.com/

Source

9. Female Portrait

Artist: http://www.drublair.com/

Source

10. Splash

Artist: http://www.ericzener.com

Source

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Today they have accomplished the most important piece of legislation. They did it religiously, without wasting a breath, and in complete harmony, government and opposition.

Pakistani politicians today amended a law that required all candidates for the federal and provincial parliaments to be educated, as in graduates, having completed 12 years of formal education.

A ‘dictator’ called Pervez Musharraf had put in place this condition. How outrageous of him, that military ruler. How dare he!

By insisting that the rulers of the country be educated, the ‘dictator’ offended the feudal landlord-politicians of the country.

Thing is, these landlord-politicians now have educated progeny that has started making its own beeline for parliament seats.

In a decade or two our parliament will be a ‘graduate assembly’ anyway.

So why the rush to pass this amendment?

The reason is that the ‘old guard’ among the landlord-politicians continue to be around and in large numbers; uncouth feudal landlords without degrees and, may I also say, pedigrees. [I have more respect for the tribal landlords of Balochistan because at least they are genuine. The rest of the Pakistani feudal landlords are fakes: All of them claim lineage from our great Prophet! And hence the right to own large pieces of land where they are also entitled to enslave people for generations! By the way, the Arabs are really offended at this large number of self-claimed descendants of our Prophet among Pakistan's landlord-politicians. One Arab friend of mine came to Islamabad last year and asked me this, 'Wait a minute, the Prophet was an Arab. How come all his progeny is in Pakistan! And that too inside the federal parliament!].

Long live Pakistani democracy [until the next military 'dictator', which looks soon by the way things are going.]

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BBC Reports the new football song to contain the following:

“Muhammad was a prophet who understood nothing about football”

and in German the lyrics about Muhammad read:

“Mohammed war ein Prophet, der vom Fussballspielen nichts versteht. Doch aus all der schoenen Farbenpracht hat er sich das Blau und Weisse ausgedacht…”

BBC’s post here: http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/europe/8185209.stm

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3. Hello World! This is OmEr Jamil with you, I'm an Information Technology Professional; an IT Consultant, a Network Engineer, a Brand Activator, a Social, Socio-Political, Socio-Religious enthusiast...
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A Pakistani Government Official Caught Telling Brahamdagh Bugti: ‘Declare Balochistan Independence While You Still Have A Chance’ This hard evidence adds to the existing circumstantial evidence that some foreign governments have successfully cultivated high-level moles in Islamabad.

ISLAMABAD, Pakistan—Pakistan’s Balochistan province is under attack. Pakistanis should be in no doubt now and must begin to question their government. And question it hard.

This is the latest:

• A stunning telephone conversation between a Pakistani official and Indian-backed terrorists in Balochistan;

• Permission for US Marines to land on Pakistan’s southwestern coastal area in a mock invasion;

• And a consortium of three western companies want to circumvent Gwadar and get government’s approval for a mini-seaport instead.

These are three startling developments that point not just to criminal negligence on… [ read entire article here... ]

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2. Video: Welcome to Pakistan – The One You Don’t See on the Evening News Once upon a time, there was a country in chaos. An undemocratic feudal system prevailed, corruption reigned supreme and the country was in an economic...

“Have you show the audacity to be honest in the fall of 2007, you people would not have had to murder Donald Young to save xxx (word couldn’t be followed, kindly correct if you can); and your wife would not have had to face the public knowing you ‘pitch’ ; ‘catch’ with men!”

I was going through a comment on Dr. Awab Alvi’s blog post below which I saw a link that took me to Larry Sinclair’s blog. Reading even the first post shook my spine hard! Below, Jeff Rense sends Barack Obama a book as a birthday gift on his 48th birthday, to White House with the following gift-note (also read some shocking extracts of the book below the gift note):

- Gift-note starts below -

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2. You’re very likely to survive any battle in any war unless you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home,

3. Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it is not necessary to speak the language. A German accent will do.

4. A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds. That will finish in a sex scene.

5. If staying in a haunted house, women must investigate any strange noises in their most diaphanous underwear, which is just what they happened to be carrying with them at the time the car broke down.

6. If a large pane of glass is visible, someone will be thrown through it before long.

7. If someone says, “I’ll be right back”, they won’t.

8. Computer monitors never display a cursor on screen but always say: “Enter Password Now”.

9. It is not necessary to say hello or goodbye when beginning or ending phone conversations. And none of your friends have to knock when they come for a visit. In addition, every front door can be opened from the outside without having to use a key.

10. Even when driving down a perfectly straight road, it is necessary to turn the steering wheel vigorously from left to right every few moments.

11. All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so you know exactly when they’re going to go off.

12. A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.

13. If you decide to start dancing in the street everyone around you will automatically be able to mirror all the steps you come up with and hear the music in your head.

14. Police departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are deliberately assigned a partner who is their total opposite.
15. When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to each other.

16. Any bullet from a handgun has enough force to throw a full-grown man ten feet back.

17. Characters will always find a parking space right in front of the building they’re going to even in a large metropolitan city where parking is basically impossible.

18. Characters at a bar or at a restaurant table will always get the attention of a server at the exact moment they need to order.

19. When a gift/present is given, the top is wrapped separately from the rest of the box and it lifts straight off so that there is never any ripping or fumbling with wrapping paper.

20. A chase scene on foot in a city always has a shot of one of the characters running into the street, nearly being hit by a car screeching to a halt at which point the driver flails his arm out the window and yells an expletive.

21. Anytime a character in an awful rush confronts another character curious about his predicament, the first one says, “There’s no time to explain,” and then explains anyway.

22. No matter how slow zombies walk they will always catch up.

23. The bad guy will always throw his gun at you to indicate he has run out of bullets.

24. A candle or table lamp can light a whole room and at night time, it’s blue.

25. If the main guy is in love with the main girl, he will always get her in the end, even if she’s married. If she is married, her husband will always say “oh well, if it makes you happy”… and he’ll never go to beat the crap out of the other guy.

26. If you are in a film, it is easy for you to master the skill of controlling any vehicle you need, weather it be landing a plane, for example.

27. Everybody when needing a computer can type supper fast and never need to hit the space bar!
28. Computers never freeze or crash, unlike in the real world.

29. The computers have super duper graphics programes which can zoom into blurs in photos to make them super clear!
30. The best way to get laid is to put on some slow jazz music.

31. Every time the “hero” is sneaking into the bad guy’s room, checking secret files on the computer:
1a. The password is already typed in.

1b. The password is very simple.

2. There appears a very slow bar saying “copying”, “deleting” or “printing” and it is finished just before the bad guy, the security guard or the Mexican cleaner comes in.

3. In addition to your non-booting computer, they are also turned off in a flash.

4. All the characters, even the blonde bimbo’s put in to lure us to the cinema, became all-knowing super-mega-nerds once behind a computer. They always know what to do and how to avoid things.

32. Good guys never panic, they stay cool at point black range, and bluff their way out with the “you could surely use me in your plan” crap.

33. Heavy guns, for example on helicopters, cause cosmetic damage to the hero’s transport, but one bullet makes the chopper blow up.

34. Text appearing on a computer monitor appears letter by letter and making a sound as if it was produced by a typewriter.

35. You can find whatever you want on the net in a matter of seconds.

36. If in a battle scene a bad guy actually manages to shoot a good guy, the good guy’s friend has the time to listen to his friend’s dying speech. Once dead, the friend stands up and shoots the correct bad guy (amongst a whole host of bad guys). The bad guy has apparently been sitting around just waiting to be shot!!
37. No Australian movie is complete without one of this:
1. A Kangaroo.

2. A Boomerang.

3. Ayers Rock.

4. A Koala.

5. All of the above.

38. When someone uses a TV remote it makes a clicking sound that is impossible to replicate by existing remotes.

39. When gunfire erupts in public places and cops respond instantly to it, they’re usually killed by the first shots.

40. When gunfire erupts in public, where there are no cops, they take forever to arrive, but they can still chase the gunmen.

41. Detectives can watch a drug deal (carried out furtively in a shop doorway) go down from a distance of five yards away by the simple expedient of sitting in a car with a newspaper raised to eye level.

42. Cats always make a noise. If someone is creeping into a house and is momentarily scared by a cat, it always has to meow before running off.

43. A woman being chased by a murderer will always fall over, either because she’s running in stilettos or is ridiculously clumsy.

44. Serial killers never just die… they will remain still for ages so that the hero is fooled and walks right past them… at which point the killer grabs their ankle and then keeps fighting.

45. It is possible to drive safely for long periods with your head turned completely away from the road ahead, either in conversation or looking at a map.

46. People brush their teeth before eating breakfast but not afterwards, at which point they run out the door with a piece of toast in their mouth.

47. Aussie accents in American films always sound like a mix of Cockney, South African and New Zealander. And they say things like “Streuth!” and “Blimey!”
48. The bad guy’s sexy girl will try to seduce the good guy, then when that fails will beat him up using martial arts. That while wearing skintight leather, lycra and stilettos.

49. Women can never find their car keys while being pursued by a killer. Once they do find them, it takes them ages to fumble the keys into the ignition, giving the killer enough time to reach the car and pound on the window.

50. Somehow cars take several turns of the key to start but only when someone is chasing you.

51. Every bad guy knows how to tie really complicated knots… which somehow the good guy manages to untie.

52. A person investigating strange noises in their house always finds that the lights don’t work, then stumble around in the dark rather than getting a torch. At least one of the noises they hear will turn out to be made by a cat.

53. When a cat eats a fish, it leaves the skeleton perfectly reserved and intact.

54. Dogs always bark at ghosts.

55. Vicious guard dogs can be easily distracted with a piece of steak.

56. Mice can somehow fashion a perfectly semi-circular entrance to their dwelling.

57. A small goat is capable of propelling a fully grown man through the air by butting him in the ass with it’s horns.

58. Many animals, when they consume alcohol, will take on human drunken characteristics, usually to the sound of a trombone being played.

59. Anytime a person is expecting a bad guy to jump out at them, often they’ll sigh in relief when it’s just the cat, or the wind, or a tree branch against the window. But as soon as they let their guard down and laugh at their “silliness”, they’re going to be attacked by the bad guy that really was there after all.

60. When someone puts a baby down to bed, that baby coos and smiles, and then just goes right off to sleep. It’s amazing.

61. If someone jumps off a bridge into a river, lake, etcetera, the water will always be deep enough to keep them from getting hurt. But when a bad guy falls from a river, he/she’s good as gone.

62. Police officers never wait for back-up.

63. The only time people do say hello on the telephone is when it turns to be the bad guy on the other end of line calling to torment them.

64. Bad things usually happen to women who are alone in the house on stormy nights.

65. If you are driving somewhere on any other route other than a city roadway, you will probably have that road all to yourself and will not pass or be passed by another vehicle.

66. In the movies everyone seems to have some odd “L shaped” sheets on their beds able to cover a woman up to her neck and her partner up to his waste.

67. Being around a bomb causes time to slow down.

68. Bad guys die instantly, good guys die slowly.

69. When the good guy is being attacked by a gang, they will run at him one at a time while the rest stay (in the case of ninjas, dance) around in a menacing manner, allowing him to kick all of their asses by the time the scene is over.

70. Most of police investigations will require at least one visit to a strip club.

71. You can jump from a tall building and land on mattresses, a pile of boxes, or a dumpster full of garbage and, though you might groan and be a little slow getting up, you will not sustain any serious injury.

72. It’s very easy to fool the security guards at highly top secret government institutions.

73. It’s very easy for a computer hacker to break a security code and find just the information he’s looking for in less than a minute.

74. If you’re a criminal mastermind, you cannot just shoot the hero in the back, you have to tie him up and wait for some diabolical machine to finish the hero off and you can’t wait around to make sure it works, which allows the hero a chance to escape, which he always does because apparently no bad guy ever got his knot tying badge in the boy scouts.

75. When an ugly girl takes off her glasses, gets a haircut, and puts on nice clothes she is suddenly very hot.

76. No matter who you are calling, no matter what time you are making the call, the person you’re calling will always answer the phone, usually after only one or two rings. Of course, this assumes you aren’t running from a killer while trying to make a call on a cell phone, in which case there is a 100% chance that either the battery will be dead or you won’t be able to get a signal.

77. Whenever you put on a seatbelt, you will get into an accident.

78. The good guy always has the cooler cell phone.

79. If you chase someone through a park you will never step in dog poop or chewing gum, but you will always step on someone’s picnic.

78. No matter how crowded the bar is, there are always extra stools available right in front of a bartender who is just standing there waiting for someone to order.

80. People who oversleep and get woken up by phone calls go straight to work without making the bed, but when they get home at night, their bed is made.

81. People in movies rarely have to shave, and whenever a guy does shave, he will be interrupted while half finished, and will wipe the remaining shaving cream off with a towel. Of course, even the part he didn’t get to shave will be perfectly smooth.

82. When a good guy enters a house, he/she will avoid every shot of machine gun fire while killing a lot of bad guys. He/she doesn’t need to reload his pistol until he runs out of ammo, which coincidentally happens when the main bad guy appears, at which point he fights him/her hand to hand.

83. In battle, a normal peon soldier is shot with one bullet and instantly drops dead to the ground, while the protagonist in said battle can be shot in various places by multiple shooters, and survive with a few bandages and a cast.

84. It doesn’t matter who you call, if they choose not to answer their phone you will get their voicemail in less than 1.5 rings.

85. A devious villain will immediately shoot a non-important character whenever needed without hesitation. However when he finally has the chance to kill the hero seeking to craft his doom, he will undoubtedly hold a firearm trained on said protagonist for at least 90 seconds while performing a well-written soliloquy. This delay is all the hero needs to escape.

86. When a woman is being pursued by a scary serial killer that she knows is in her house, she will always run upstairs instead of out of the house.

87. You can break into any house or door with a credit card.

88. The bad guy will always tell the good guy every detail about his master-plan instead of just shooting him.

89. Whenever a guy and a girl hop into a bed together in three seconds the girl will start moaning and will be close to climaxing. Plus the guy will always put a minimal effort, after all she will still be screaming and moaning away.

90. When someone has stopped breathing and has no pulse, simply breathing into her mouth twice and looking extremely distressed while screaming “DON’T YOU DIE ON ME!” will bring her back to life immediately.

91. In a TV episode where someone will probably die, there’s always an extra character that no one has ever seen before to kill him.

92. Aliens will always have more advanced technology than us.

93. When you turn on the tv, the news will always be on.

94. People never obey warnings.

95. There’s always a corrupt police officer.

96. Movie theatres and drive-ins only show classic horror movies.

98. If you meet a member of the opposite sex, and you both hate each other… don’t worry… you’ll eventually fall in love with each other.

99. Major disasters always happen in New York.

100. The President is always very considerate and well-spoken. Not to mention he always is able to fly a jet fighter when needed.

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This is OmEr Jamil with you,  I’m an Information Technology Professional; an IT Consultant, a Network Engineer, a Brand Activator, a Social, Socio-Political, Socio-Religious enthusiast and just another Pakistani who cares…

Should you intend to learn more about me, simply, remain in touch!

Some of my Online Projects are as follow:

• Hidayat.Org – Spreading Goodness…

• Haqeeqat.Org – Do the Right, Fear No Man

• Emoney – Learn to Earn Money Online

• Celica – Project Hell Ride; 1974 Toyota Celica GT; Mean-Machine

• GiftPakistan.com – An Online Gift Shop for Overseas Pakistanies (under-development)

• ShopLahore.com – Online Shopping Mall for Lahore, Pakistan (under-development)

• more to come soon…

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